never to come back
by maggiewhitlock
Summary: what if Alice and Edward died in Volterra. Both Bella and Jasper are left broken and think no one can put them back together again, will they find friendship, love or will something tear the Cullens apart.
1. Chapter 1

JPOV

I saw Bella pass through the doors and I looked eagerly behind her for Alice. I was immediately hit with a wave of such immense sadness I feel to the ground. Within seconds I realized within seconds that the pain was radiating from Bella that could only mean one thing… Edward was gone. Soon the pain subsided just enough so I could feel sympathy as well. I sat there for minutes confused, and then it hit me. If she was feeling sympathy for me it meant not only was Edward gone but Alice too. I rose and ran; I ran so far I had no idea of my location; I felt a pain that just couldn't be real. I lied down and dry-sobbed; it was times like this when I wished I could sleep or at least cry. After a while I wouldn't have been sure if time has passed if not for the rise and set of the sun.

I continued to lie and let the pain have until I heard footsteps approach behind me. I looked to see Esme, her shoulders shook it in a way which indicated her pain. I knew it pained her to lose Alice and to see me like that but I just couldn't get up. Carlisle quickly followed and only looked at me and then to his speechless wife.

"Jasper you need to come home," He began, "We miss you and we need you. Without you it just isn't the same."

I know he was just trying to comfort me but I lost control, I hadn't hunted in over a week and I had little emotional control. "It will never be the same again! Don't you get it? I do no good for anyone because Alice was my life, without her this earth is just useless dirt." I broke to the ground.

"Son," this time it was Esme who spoke, "Alice was very important to all of us, you especially. We know that but we can't just let you starve yourself and fade into oblivion." I didn't reply I just lay there. "Please," she continued "We need you." Her pain was my pain and I couldn't refuse her.

"Fine"

Carlisle took this time to let a very important piece of information slip, "We'll need you to hunt first. Bella is at the house and we can't handle anymore incidents. I guess I shouldn't be surprised everyone loved her so much. The feelings that radiated off Esme when she spoke of Bella mimicked that of those when she thought of Alice. Alice, I was pained again. Carlisle offered me his hand and I took it. We then went for a long hunt before returning to the house, a house filled with many a memory of Alice. I wonder how Bella is taking this.


	2. you'll never know

BPOV

My life was falling apart, I just couldn't go on. I was amazed that Jasper returned, that was something I didn't think would happen. I thought the only reason he stayed with the Cullens was for Alice, without her I thought he'd run wild. All the Cullens were out hunting and I was lying on the bed they had put in Edward's room for me. I never left it, only for the bathroom, I lied there reminiscing in memories of Edward and bathing in his scent. When they were gone the loneliness was almost unbearable, I felt bad imposing on them constantly. Somehow I was caught in an idea I never thought about before; why should I keep imposing? There was nowhere else for me to go, when I'd gotten home from Italy Charlie had disowned me, but I could go for a more permanent separation. I could unite myself with my one true love, the only problem was an angel like him would go to heaven and there was no way I would end up there. I walked to the bathroom in search of a sharp enough object, I'd made my mind up the second I'd had the idea death was calling my name. I rummaged through the medicine cabinet until I found a scissor I rubbed it against the counter until it looked sharper. I put the blade to my wrist when I heard a sudden gasp, then I turned my head and saw the rest of the Cullens with looks of horror spread across their beautiful faces.

JPOV

I couldn't believe it; Emmett had to forcefully drag me out of bed and when I returned we saw Bella in what appeared to be a suicide attempt. I can't believe I didn't see this coming I had been so wrapped up in my own emotions I hadn't realized the deep self loathing and abandonment that Bella had been feeling.

"Bella, please think about what your about to do." Carlisle pleaded.

"Don't worry I won't be imposing on you guys much longer." Bella responded her voice dead and just above a whisper. All I could think about was Alice and how she would never forgive me if I let this happen. I ran to Bella side and brought her to her bed after snatching the scissor so fast she didn't have to time to rebel.

BPOV

Before I knew it I was laying down in a bed tucked in. I looked around to see Emmett or Esme but the only familiar face I saw was Jasper.

"Bella what do you think you are doing?" Jasper snapped at me.

"I think I'm ending my misery." I replied anger seeping through my voice.

"You think that will make things better? You think you're the only one going through the pain of a lost soul mate? Well your wrong." I was dumbfounded at Jasper and struck with wave of fury. I wasn't sure if it was mine or something of Jaspers working but I used it to my advantage.

"Jasper you are such a conceited ass. You think you're pain is superior to mine. I know you lost someone too and I lost that same person. I lost a soul mate and a best friend three days after thinking I had regained them in my life. You lost your soul mate so did I, you have years worth of memories to cherish I have months. You can imagine how they died; I have to live with the scene constantly replaying in my mind. I watched the two people I love most in this world be torn limb from limb because they were defending me. You will never see what I saw, know what I know, and you may think you can feel my pain but you'll never know the extent." I was so tired after my spiel. I hadn't spoken so much since my return to Forks. I silently feel to the floor and wept; I didn't hear Jasper leave but when I looked back up he was gone. I was alone, as I would be for the rest of my existence.


	3. Alone together

JPOV

I had no response, whatever could I say. She was right. I was being presumptuous and wasn't taking her state of mind into account before I spoke; it just seemed so silly. Of course I too had thought about suicide but I knew Alice would never approve. Couldn't Bella see that her committing suicide would do nothing but dishonor Alice and Edward? They died fighting to save her life and she was ruining the cause single handedly. I spent three days debating these thoughts in the room Alice and I had once shared. Emmett came to check on me often, usually looking for a playmate, but I showed none of my usual amiability. There was no reason not to return to the monster I was before Alice. Everything I did was for her; now she was gone. Esme also came regularly to make sure Bella's actions hadn't given me any ideas. I wonder how Bella is doing. I haven't seen nor spoken to her since our confrontation about her suicide attempt. No one was more surprised than me, and I mean no one I know these things I'm and empathy remember, when Bella came knocking at my door. I didn't respond to her plea to let me in so she let herself in. She looked horrible her face was tear stained and her eyes red and swollen. For the first time since Alice passed I felt pity for someone other than myself; it was obvious this girl had been crying for days.

I waited for her to break the silence, but she never did. "Bella, why are you here?" I asked shocked at the venom in my own voice, I had meant for this to come out as caring.

"I couldn't take being alone anymore." Such a simple response it had me awestruck for minutes. She was a very patient human.

"Why not spend time with Esme, or Emmett, or Rosalie even?" They seemed the obvious choices, well the first two suggestions had. She had a great relationship with Esme, she truly was one of the family in her future stepmothers eyes, Emmett's as well.

"They don't understand. They want to make me feel better but all that happens is my reminiscing in painful memories." I understood that's why I spent my time in close to complete and utter solitude.

"So stay by yourself." The answer seemed obvious enough.

"I was sick of being alone." I knew this feeling too. While I pined for no one but Alice it was nice to have someone other than myself to talk to. I would try and hold a conversation with Esme or Carlisle but they always wanted to talk about my feelings and to be honest, I wanted to forget. Not to forget about Alice but to forget about the pain. I kept my family away from me and the love of my life was gone. I was alone and would be this way for the rest of eternity, so would Bella.

"Well get used to it." My response was cold and blunt.

"Actually I was thinking, since you know how I'm feeling, not just because you happen to be an empath but you're going through the same thing, maybe we could be alone together…" Her words trailed off as she began blushing. I felt a wave of embarrassment radiate off her core. I wanted to send her away; I knew it in my mind that it was the right thing to do but my heart seemed pained at the idea of sending her away.

"You can stay here. Don't expect any conversation though." I knew there was no point in saying this. There truly were no comfortable silences with humans. They felt the need to ruin nice moments with idle chatter.

"I won't."

True to her word Bella didn't speak again. It was so unusual; as I focused on her emotions I felt nothing. I tried to understand how I couldn't be getting any vibe off her; shouldn't she be feeling pain? No one could be this numb, there were absolutely no emotions. Maybe that's why she didn't like to talk about her feelings not because it hurt too much but because she no longer had any to discuss. This was something Carlisle would need to know and I planned on confronting him about it as soon as Bella left. When would that be? My worry for her sanity had been begging for her to leave yet my heart yearned for her companionship. My questions were soon answered and my worries pacified as Bella slowly drifted off into a deep slumber. She didn't speak which surprised me after Edwards's tales, she didn't move. Had it not been for her steady breathing I would have thought she was dead. I decided to take this time to go speak to Carlisle. I walked at a brisk human pace to his study and knocked on the door.

"Come in my son"

"Carlisle, we need to talk. It's about Bella…"

**A/N Cliffy isn't it? Sorry I haven't updates in like three months, my aunt passed away and my cousin tried to commit suicide. It was a hectic time for me and I needed to watch my cousin rather than update this fic. But seeing as how it summer I should be updating MUCH more regularly. I know this is a short chapter but the chapters are going to get longer as well. This was supposed to be much longer but as I sit her at 3 in the morning I decided I owed you at least a small update. Well PLZ review so I know what you think and what you want to happen. Once again sorry next chapter should be up within a few days. **

**-xoxo Maggie **


	4. i was wrong

JPOV

"Ah, my son, I see you've finally decided to free yourself for from the prison cell your room was becoming. How are you today Jasper?"

"I want to talk to you about Bella," I started but was then so rudely cut off by my adoptive father.

"I know, and I would like to discuss you. Why don't we compromise? We can discuss you and then you may express your worries about Bella to me." It sounded fair.

"That sounds reasonable. So what exactly is it about me that you'd like to discuss?" I was fairly sure I knew the answer but I decided I'd let Carlisle confirm my theory.

"Well I'd like to know how you're doing. We haven't heard your voice in days and whenever one of us came to visit you ignored us. We were beginning to worry that you would leave the family. Imagine my surprise when you come knocking on my door." Yep, I was right. There was nothing new about Carlisle's questions; they were exactly what I'd expected.

"I'm doing fine, thank you. I'm still mourning and I would like to continue on with life yet I often find myself reminiscing in memories of Alice, her tinker bell laugh, her spiky hair and her angelic movements. I miss her so much but I know she'd want me to continue on and help Bella deal with her heartbreak. No matter how inferior hers may be to mine."

"I thought I'd have to talk some sense into you son, but it seems to me you have everything in order. Of course none of us expect you to be over Alice, she was your soul mate, but it is nice to have someone who can help us with Bella. We never allow her to be alone for fear she'll attempt suicide once more but it seems as if she's not healing. Her eyes look dead and she tries to answer in as few words as possible."

"Carlisle, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm worried she can't take her emotions. When she came to my room today I was worried her heartbreak paired with mine would be unbearable, but I felt nothing from her. She's totally numb; she's refusing her emotions and while I'm not a doctor I know that can't be healthy."

"I'm not quite sure I understand. No human can just tune out emotions and pretend they aren't there. She certainly must have some feeling, are you sure you didn't just lose it in your own emotions?"

"Carlisle, I'm one hundred percent positive she wasn't sending any emotional vibe. I tried for over half and hour to feel something but there was nothing. You said her eyes looked dead, I think that's related to her lack of emotions." It just didn't make sense for emotions to be cut off. Maybe she was just blocking me out, no that's impossible. It's never happened before. Then again no one had ever blocked Edward out before either.

"Well then I think we might have to have some sort of family meeting to discuss this. We certainly can't sit around while pain eats Bella from the inside out." I was relieved at his words. For some reason when I was thinking about Bella I missed Alice a little less. Of course the whole left in my heart was never gone but Bella distracted me from it, made it more manageable.

"Thank you Carlisle, it just kills me to see her in that trance like state."

"Well Jasper, I hadn't realized how adamant you were about Bella's well being."

"Neither had I." I murmured aloud.

"I am glad for it. It seems son, she makes you remember your family, rescues you from you imprisonment in memories." I couldn't have said it better myself. I took this pause to exit the room silently. Carlisle and I had nothing more to discuss.

BPOV

I woke in Alice's room. Well I guess it was Jaspers now. At first I wondered how I had gotten here, why would I want to be here? This room reminded me of the best friend I would never see again, the best friend I would ever have. Remembrance hit me in a wave as I thought back to my intentions last night. I had wanted to come here in an attempt to make amends for what I had said weeks previous. I was wrong and I was caught up in heartbreak and lonesome. My best friend who I could always count on to look out for me, even when she wasn't near was gone. I would never see her pixie like face or see her dance to greet me at school. My father had decided he no longer wanted me. He told me to leave because he couldn't live with someone as inconsiderate as me and that he never wanted to see me again. My family had abandoned me, even my erratic mother couldn't stand to talk to me. And then there was Edward. He was my heart, my soul, my future and my destiny. Without him I was nothing. I had gotten him back I was happy and then it had been ripped away from me. I didn't deserve to be alive anymore all I did was cause trouble. It was because of me the world would never again experience the wonderful presence of Alice and Edward. It was because of me Jasper was now heartbroken and alone. When I tried to make things better by taking my worthless life I did nothing but cause more heartbreak. They never left me alone anymore, they said they liked my company but I could tell I was under suicide watch. It was no longer necessary when I saw the look on Esme's face as she saw the blade to my wrist I knew I couldn't take another family member for her. It didn't matter if I was worthy of being her family member, she thought of me the same. Somehow the one thing I regretted most about my actions was when I told Jasper my pain was superior to his. It was after careful consideration I realized that it couldn't be. Alice had saved Jasper; he was drowning and Alice rescued him. He saw her as her future, he had changed for her, and without her life had to seem meaningless much as it did to me. I wanted to apologize yet I chickened out. I merely sat in the room in silence. At first there was a hole in my chest, I couldn't think, I couldn't eat and I needed to be alone. Now I just felt numb. There was nothing in my chest, I had nothing to think about, there was no reason to be alone and people simply disliked my depressing presence. Jasper wasn't in the room when I woke up; this surprised me but didn't mean much, he was probably out hunting. I realized something after being pulled from my reverie of thought. I was alone, for the first time since the suicide incident. They had probably assumed I was asleep; what surprised me was that they didn't come to my side when I awoke. They usually heard me turning. I decided I'd investigate so I walked as quietly as possible. As I neared the staircase I heard the hushed voices from the Cullens coming from the dining room. The only time they all congregated here was for family meetings, something serious must have been going on. I heard Jasper say "Someone has to help her, she's going to die." They could only be talking about me or they would have waited for me to have this meeting. I was so shocked by what I hear I lost my footing and fell down the last few stairs. I looked up and saw all five Cullen's staring at me shock plain on their face.

**A/N Ok so this wasn't my best chapter but I have an end point in mind and I'm not really sure how to get there so the next chapter will be Bella confronting the Cullens about their meeting. I've decided the remainder of the story will be Jaspers POV with the occasional switch because it's just easier for me to get in his head. Well you all know what to do; click the green button and tell me what you think.**

**-xoxo maggie**


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